Thursday, July 31, 2008

The Fairytale that my siblings wrote for our wedding invitations.

Once upon a time in a forest on the north side, lived a fairy princess. She wasn't what you might usually expect a fairy princess to be. She was a little bit rounder and a little bit bolder and MUCH MUCH louder than fairy princesses are typically perceived but she was 100% fairy and quite a bit of a princess as well.

One day the fairy princess decided that the time had come for her to find herself a handsome prince, so she climbed into her little white Daihatsu Chariot and off she went. She hadn't got very far when she heard a "clunk... clunk... clunk..." coming from one of the rear tyres.

"Oh bother," said the princess (or something like that). "I must have a flat tyre. Oh no, what will I do now?" But before the princess even had time to whip out her mobile phone to call the RACQ up came a rather shabby looking knight. His armour was rusted, his head surprisingly large and he was riding on a very large dog.

"Can I help yer?" he asked most graciously. The princess explained the situation. In a trice the rusty knight had the tyre off and a new tyre on. He looked up at her as he kneeled by the car. A small blue butterfly had landed on yhe back of the car and he scooped it up and handed it to the princess. As she took the butterfly she studied the knight. He was well built and he looked like he would be very good at lifting heavy things. The knight stood up, dusted off his knee pads and said, "Guess you better get on your way to find your hansome Prince then."
"I've already found him," said the Princess. And off they went together - the Princess in her little white car, the rusty knight on his dog and they drove off into the sunset.

The Beginning...

Wednesday, July 30, 2008

The fairytale for the invitations to her birthday.







After living happily ever after with the Rusty Knight for less than a year the Fairy Princess who was usually quite rotund noticed she was becoming even more so. “Cor, I better stop eating so many donuts,” she thought and even though she did she continued to grow. Until one day the royal physician announced, “You’re knocked up!” When the Rusty Knight heard this he swore to slay the foul beast that had done this to the Fairy Princess, so she held up a mirror and said, "He looks like this!" .The Rusty Knight who was known around the land for his courage and bravery turned white with fear. The royal couple prepared for the birth and many moons later a Pixie Princess was born. Life changed, the Fairy Princess turned into a Wicked Birth Mother after weeks of crying, screaming and spewing and that’s not mentioning what the Pixie Princess was up to. As the tantrums and vomit decreased, and the cuddles, giggles, snot and drool increased, the Pixie Princess’ birthday approached and the Fairy Princess (who was by now no longer wicked) told the Rusty Knight, “We must have a party to celebrate because she is so lovely and wonderful and advanced!” The Rusty Knight knew resistance was futile and dutifully handed over his wallet knowing he would never see it again. The Fairy Princess shopped, chopped, iced, sliced, whirled, twirled, fizzed and whizzed until the party was ready and then the Fairy Princess, the Rusty Knight and the Pixie Princess sat back and had some curry and waited for their guests to arrive.

Monday, July 28, 2008

The I don't want to do anythings...

I've been so slack and I am sorry. I've got the 'I don't want to do anything's and any previously mentioned motivation has been non existent for so long. Yesterday I forced myself to get up and get out the door and go for a walk and did the same today. I am never going to make a change if I don't make a change. I had been giving myself a stern talking to about how life is a lemon and you have to suck it to see and as I was thinking about that I remembered something. When I was about 14 (I think, old enough to know better anyway) I went with Mum and my sister to a display home. It must have been when my sister was building her first home. There was a panel of buttons on the wall of this house and I was drawn to it like a moth to a flame. I had no idea what it was and I was so intrigued by it that I reached out and pushed the 5. Suddenly an alarm started going off and I still didn't realise what it was, only that I had made the alarm sound. I don't really remember what happened after that, although I am sure I would have been told off, only that I pushed that button. After I thought about that I moved my fat arse out the door, metaphorically pushing the button, sucking the lemon to see and I feel a bit more motivated now.

I have now done two practise cakes for the Pixie's birthday, the first was a disaster, the second a little better. Thankfully I have time for one more practise before the party. I have been busy making pop up castle invitations for her party which I should be finishing but since I had neglected my blog for so long I thought this shoud have priority. The second cake I made for G-Dog's birthday and it nearly worked out okay. The bottom cake was too dry and the middle one was quite good and the top one was okay. It had a marzipan alligator in the moat around the castle and a bat on the side. I made him like a castle greyskull. He had a torch and a sword and a motorbike in the middle. FM made the motorbike, I cannot take the credit. I would like to post some photos but I have been having trouble with my software for my phone and my camera has gone AWOL. I pulled out the old digital camera a few days ago so I have some new pictures of the pixie to show you.

LHT has been doing an apprenticeship for the last three years. He asked his boss to sign him off early, which the boss refused. He was then dismissed from his position two weeks ago after informing his boss of his intention to find employment elsewhere due to us wanting to have another child and him needing to earn more money. He went to Tafe on Monday, and got a phone call from his workplace foreman asking if he was being paid to be there. He said of course because the Tafe periods are a requirement of his apprenticeship and employment and his employer pays for him to be there. On Thursday the 17th they gave the foreman a letter to give to him after hours that stated that his employment had been ceased on the 11th. Consequently we have had no money come in since that date except for what we get from centrelink. Tough times. He met with the apprenticeship board on friday and was told that of course he could not be dismissed in such a manner due to the terms of his contract and that his employer would be obliged to put him back on. (LHT was leaving anyway in three weeks to finish his fourth year with another employer. ) Well how would you feel going back to a place that had just shafted you like that... not even being sacked in person, unfairly dismissed for trying to make a better life for your family by a not for profit supposedly christian organisation? LHT told the woman that despite all that he had to go back, what choice did he have? Then... the silver lining, since boilermaking is on the skill shortage list the government would pay for his last five Tafe modules so he could be signed off early with another employer. Consequently he is two modules away from completing his trade and is in line for a thousand dollar bonus once he is signed off. Thanks! Money's tight but once he goes to his new job next month it can only get better from there. So in trying to screw him over they helped us out a lot. Karma has been kind.

This morning the Pixie was in her room and I heard her drop something and then exclaim something that sounded suspiciously like "shit". Oh dear... PFM said at least it wasn't f*&k, yes I agree but I am still ashamed. I think I need a swear jar or something to learn me. We went to Excess Sugar Mumma's house today where the Pixie stole Chomp's juice so we gave her some water in a bottle. Next thing Chomp came out with both bottles... revenge!! Then I saw the Pixie finishing the juice... he must have decided it would be better for their future relationship to let her have it.

Wednesday, July 16, 2008

Frustrating Blogger

The blogger is being very frustrating and presenting itself to me in a foreign language most of the time. I am blaming LHT and his motorbike obsession for no reason other than it seems like I should. He is in love with the Husqvarna at the moment and it has joined the long lists of wants that includes the 14ft Quintrex and the KTM so he and his boyfriends can have a lovely time together. Sorry I have not been blogging the last few days, I have had my nephew up and the other language thing is very frustrating.

The Pixie is nearly one and I am very busy planning a party for me, oops, I mean her. I am really looking forward to it and hoping for no dramas on the day, fingers crossed. I am doing a practise run of her cake tomorrow, a very cool castle and then dropping it off on friday to a local youth group so we do not consume the calories! Speaking of which I have to go and watch the Jamie Oliver thing and scare myself into being healthy.

Tuesday, July 15, 2008

Nearly one

The Pixie will be one in four weeks time. I can hardly believe how quickly time has gone. I am planning her birthday party now which is more for me than for her and LHT is definately giving me a hard time about the whole thing. I have been googling and bookmarking for several hours now. I started just shortly after hanging six new pictures of her around the house. He is suspecting that I have a little bit of an obsession. Well of course I do she is my gorgeous little girl who is so clever and advanced. She was saying, "Ready, Hooray!" tonight when her father was playing with her. And also, "Ready, set, go" or something that sounded quite like that. Of course you know she's the cleverest child that ever was born...

Happy Birthday to Sandelicious, Friendless and the Paranoid Fussy Mummy.
I promise I am not going to be slack tomorrow and I will go for a walk.

Sunday, July 6, 2008

The depths of one husband's stupidity.

I really really love LHT, I think he is fabulous etc etc etc, but he really is so stupid sometimes I cannot believe it. He went away last thursday night, off to find himself a new job. He of course took his toothbrush with him. When he got home he did not unpack his panniers so he asked me if I had another toothbrush so he didn't have to unpack his bag. I wanted him to unpack the bag because the one he has has a replaceable head to go on it so it makes sense to me to use that one first. No, he had to have a new one. We always have the same colour toothbrushes, mine is pink, his is blue. It's to stop him asking me every night, "Which one is mine?" I told him there was a new toothbrush for him in the top drawer of the bathroom, a blue one, with your name on it. Later when I go in to do my own teeth I notice he has opened and used the pink one with my name on it. That's okay, we can swap colours for a few weeks till we get new ones again. I'm due for a new one, so I take out the blue one with his name and leave it on the basin so I can open it and use it the next day. Yesterday when I went to use it, it is open and used... he opened the blue one with his name on it as well. He has three toothbrushes open, and only one set of teeth! "Why did you open it?" "I thought you wanted me to use the blue ones," he said. "Yes I do," I said, "but you already opened and used the pink one." "Oh." I mean seriously, ladies, help me, are your husbands as stupid or have I married the king of the idiots?

Happy Birthday to my lovely sister Sandelicious.

Wednesday, July 2, 2008

Pantera my arse...



I have just had this tattooed on my butt. CFH stands for Cowboys from Hell which is a Pantera thing. I didn't just want to have LHT's name or Dazza put on me but I wanted something to symbolise all that crappy soppy love shit that we don't really talk about but exists nonetheless. As soon as LHT saw it he cracked up and he is quite impressed with my ingenuity. I was originally going to have "Vulgar display of Power" (LHT has that on his belly) with the butterflies put across the top of my bum but when I saw the CFH on the pantera website I liked it and this is what the guy came up with. Nice guy who did it, pretty sexy whilst being comfortable to be around. He told me not to wear underwear for the next few days, I wonder if that's a come on? Seeing as he had just seen my large white fleshy behind I think not!! Julia Gulia probably has to have laser eye surgery tomorrow from seeing it too - she looked after the Pixie whilst I was in there. At one stage I was laying on the table breastfeeding her, if she had just fed it would have been fine but she wanted to play! I will post a pic of the real thing tomorrow after I work out how to email it to my phone.

Went to the side of the road shop today to buy strawberries, got back in the car and the next thing this older lady was opening the passenger door and getting into our car with us. She looked up, her mouth dropped open, "Sorry," she said. Her husband was parked next to us in a dark car too, she was getting in the wrong car. We nearly caught us a nanna!!

I'm off to cook some satay lamb, not really traditional football food but still very yummy! Up the mighty maroons!!

Tuesday, July 1, 2008

Cough, cough, cough.

I have a really crappy cough, for almost a week now. It comes with a slightly runny nose and a whole lot of nausea. As you know, I don't do sick, so I have been a bit of a miserable shit. Last night I was coughing quite badly after I got to bed. At 1am the Pixie woke up and started to cry. I sat up on the side of the bed and had a bit of a cough before I grabbed her. LHT rolls over and says, "Take some cough medicine." "I can't," I said. "Why not?" "Because I don't know what's in it and I have to be careful what I take while I'm breast feeding." A few minutes go by and I have a soother dug out of the bottom of the first aid kit tucked into my cheek. "Do we have cough medicine?" I ask. "I don't know," he replies. "Why did you tell me to take some then?" "So you'd shut up," he said. Oh how loving is that. I wish there was two of him... NOT! I woke up this morning with furry cheeks from the soother and the Pixie still in my arms. So much for sleeping in her own bed. Lucky I am prepared to accept the consequences of that with open arms and a smile on my face. (Much how I approach everything else.) I can just see us now, 4 kids between us and struggling to keep a spot in my own bed! My niece always slept with my sister but not my nephew and they would both still get in with their parents given the chance.

Oh dear, I have just turned around to look at the pixie who is eating peanut butter toast in her highchair and there is peanut butter everywhere. Time to roll up the sleeves. I think she might walk in the next few days (she really tried yesterday at department of transport to get to this little boy), expect a LOT of bragging when she does.