The Samurai Mullet Fan Club

This photo has provided me with endless hours of entertainment. Every time I look at it I laugh, I mean really who, who has this hair? HHML and I googled mullets today and we could not find another with the fully shaved head. I would love to have a pic of it when it was all plaited. Everyone who has come into the house, and I mean EVERYONE, has been blessed with a showing of the Samurai Mullet. My sister says it makes her feel sick to look at his hair, which just cracks me up every time I think about it. Last week I had an Enjo demo, and LHT was coming home for lunch at the same time, HHML and I had the pic sitting on the table ready for him when he came home. He always knows to expect something when he comes home and sees the burgundy magna in the drive way. HHML and I spur each other on. The Enjo demo did not meet expectations, but she did touch the pic and I called her on it, she went a bit red, I don't think she meets many people like me. HHML wanted to draw a dick on the bucket and tell the woman not to worry that Enjo would of course get it off. Childish I know, but funny all the same. The other day HHML and I were sitting in the kitchen having coffee and we were looking at the pic as usual giggling and thinking of things to get up to. I had been through my costume box and thrown out all the crap in there, I did however manage to keep 5 cloaks and a wizard's costume. There is sometimes value in being a hoarder because whilst you might not think so, 5 cloaks and a wizard costume can come in handy when you have a photo like that in the house. We decided to have a "Samurai Fan Club Meeting" and got dressed up, me in a cloak and HHML in the wizard costume. Her son kept asking her, "Mummy why are you dressed up like that?" To which she would reply, "Mummy is not dressed up, she is in her work uniform." After declaring it Samurai Fan Club Recruitment Day (yes, I know so childish but the photo has taken over my mind!) the Excess Sugar Mumma happened to call, she was going to pop in. "Excellent, see I told you it was recruitment day!" said HHML or the messenger of the prophecy as she is known. I am the Samurai Messenger and LHT is the Chosen One. When she came over she popped on a superman costume which HHML drew a samurai mullet on the back of and wrote Samurai with one of those old s's you thought were cool in high school. Our friend we met when we bought our house, Humdinger, had also planned to come for lunch. He popped on a red and black Dracula cloak when he got here and the fan club was ready to greet the Chosen One. It was so funny to see LHT's face when he pulled up on his DR and the four of us were standing out the front wearing the costumes and the photo was on the kitchen table with a candle burning in front of it. ESM is 18 and I am sure she thought we were the most immature people in the world, but by God it was funny. Humdinger turned to me and then to LHT and said, "You are so mean! I mean she's good to you mate, but she is so mean!" I can only defend myself by saying, look up, look at the photo and then you tell me. He deserves a fan club, he deserves to never forget the had that hair. We made a group for him and everything - he is so lucky. (Note my pj pants - part of my uniform, very sexy.)

Yesterday when he came home for lunch, HHML said to me, "Let's just do nothing, just say nothing about it..." So we did, and about 15 minutes into lunch LHT said to me, "What are you up to?" See, he is suspicious just because we do nothing now, he is walking on egg shells, his nerves are frayed. He was complaining to me that we had no milk after he had only bought some, blah, blah, blah. I had important coffee to drink. I said we had plenty of milk and pointed to my breast. He said, "Is it chocolate?" I opened the cupboard and grabbed the shaker I use for choc on top of caps and tipped some on my boob and said, "It is now!"

Another Call

Rio Tinto called LHT today to tell him that once his last pee test is done things should move quickly from there. Hooray! They still haven't told him for sure if he has the job but we don't think they woud keep ringing to apologise for the delays if he wasn't going to work there.

When we were first together LHT had an old drum kit. He loves to drum, he is always drumming on the furniture and driving me insane with it all. I always used to complain about it, tongue in cheek style. "We've got no room for this thing, where can we put it?" As I do. One day I came home and noticed it wasn't in its usual spot in the lounge, when I asked where it was he said he had sold it for $150. We banked the money to help us move up to Darwin. He knows know that I was just giving him some shit and that of course he was more than welcome to keep it, and even though I would never admit it to him I have always felt just that little bit bad about it. I have decided to buy him a drum kit for christmas and do up a room in the shed for him as a bit of a boy's retreat. I will have to get it sound proofed and paint it up and pop up pics of The Tugmaster, G-Dog, The Snake Man and any other of his boyfriends who take my fancy. I am going to buy him a bookshelf for all his stupid bike magazines etc. I think he will really like it. Any ideas are most welcome. The Lusty Librarian has an OHP machine so I could paint some motorbikes on the walls if I want to. I will talk to G-Dog who I think will be more than happy to help me along with Daddy Saturday to make it something really cool. I am definitely in the running for wife of the year!!

Poppies, lovely poppies...

The Pixie has survived her first early morning Dad car trip! With flying colours, I like to think because I am protecting us from the harm LHT could do. LHT dropped us off at the shopping centre and went off to do his functionality test - hold a squat for 3 minutes, steps for 3 minutes, hold hands above head for 3 minutes, touch your toes for 3 minutes etc. He passed them all. The woman also did a strength test - he scored 82, she looked at him causing him to ask, "Is that bad?" The woman said, "No, most strong men score about 50." I love it when I am right, I am always telling him he is a freak of nature. We dropped him off at Rio Tinto and the Pixie and I went to the beach for a paddle. She just loved it and had a ball. She was playing with another little girl that was there with her Mummy and they were having a lovely time playing in the sand and waves. Because she is little miss independent now she would not let me hold her up and kept toppling forward and getting hit in the face by waves. Did this make her let me help her? No, she is stubborn like her father (and her mother I know), but it did help the snot clogging her nose pour down her face till she looked like no one owned her. In the midst of all of this LHT calls to say he has to do another drug test next week because he had tested positive for opiates. LHT looked at the company Dr in a panic, "What the hell?" "Nurofen," the Dr replied and LHT breathed a sigh of relief. When he told me I laughed and asked my drug husband how many crack pipes he had been around lately anyway. So... No, we still do not know but we do think that after this last test on monday he should be right to start. Bring it on - there are lots of lovely little girls clothes up there that would look awesome on my Pixie girl. I told LHT if he had found out today we would have had to buy a second car before going home to fit all the stuff in I wanted to buy her!

The Early Morning Trips

What is it with Dads and early morning car trips? When I was a kid we would always have to get up at the crack of dawn to go on these trips where I would be the fat kid squashed between two big kids in the car, not allowed to put the windows down or stop at service stations to go to the toilet. As an extra treat to being hot, uncomfortable and busting Dad would play his country music at 15 million decibels and sing. Mum was an expert at pouring orange juice from a carton into metal cups that lived in the glove box for such occasions and handing out drinks to everyone before pulling a ham sandwich from the esky to feed us. This I think was just to make sure we got cramped legs and dvt's later in life. If by chance we happened to be in or near Ipswich where shamefully I was born Dad would take us on a tour... a long boring tour that we wished would end but weren't certain it ever would. Past our old house, past the big kids old schoools, past the meatworks, etc. A few years ago my brother tortured me in this same manner, AFTER he became a dad and the gene kicked in. Thankfully he will stop to let you go to the toilet, always has the A/C on quite cold and I don't mind his taste in music or his singing so I was not too traumatised. My Dad was also one of those dads that you would ask nicely not to drop you off at the front of the school (so no one could see how utterly embarrassing he was) and he would drop you off not only out the front but drive into the carpark right outside the office. PFM and I relied on her Mum for a lift when we were seniors, she would pick us up at the back down the road. Funny now how important that seemed then. The Pixie gets to experience her first painful early morning car trip planned by Dad tomorrow. He has his last medical with Rio Tinto tomorrow and we have to leave at 5.30am! EW!! Why oh why oh why did I say we would go??? I am obviously crazy and have no regard for my sleep or my comfort. I am going to stress to the Pixie that it is definately Daddy's fault we are out of bed and cold instead of tucked up together watching early morning cartoons.

This afternoon I was in the bathroom brushing my teeth and LHT yelled out "Watch the bub," and took off out the door. I came rushing out to see a fire on the field across from us with a teenager from the school across the road trying to put it out. There was a woman there in her car calling 000. LHT took some buckets of water over as did the lady who lives 2 doors down. I was livid! I yelled at them, "Why the hell are you lighting fires, we have kids around here!" It pissed me off so much I rang the school and was assured that someone else had also reported the incident and teachers were on their way. Well the teen who had lit it had taken off to the middle of the oval leaving his friend to put it out, coward, and then he came back over to the scene of his crime. It wasn't like the teachers didn't have the time to come over there but they didn't bother. I am so angry. They had walked up the road when the firies showed up and we pointed them out and they went and spoke to them. My neighbour came home in the midst of the drama and she said someone had lit a fire a few metres from that one on Saturday night after an event had been on at the school. In the time we have lived here this is the third time the firies have been called and I have the police on speed dial too!! LHT says I should let it go but it is arson and if it had not been able to be controlled I dread to think what could have happened.

Made some things called pinwheels today. vegemite and cheese spread on puff pastry and then rolled up, cut into slices and baked. LHT fed three of them to the pixie before her dinner but that didn't stop her from eating a whole heap of peas which she loves, a kanga banga (and a taste of mash, she realised it was mashed, which is for babies, and flung it across the floor). She weighed in at 9.4kg at her 12 month needles but if they had weighed her tonight I think she would have tipped 10 - she leads with her belly! She has been cracking me up lately, today she was walking through the kitchen with a bum bag around her neck, her mobile phone to her ear, yacking away and she ran into the kitchen cupboard, fell over and laughed. HHML said, "She is such a ditzy blonde!" Ah well I am sure we can find her work in a sheltered workshop somewhere.

Black Testicles

I wanted to share this joke with you. I can imagine this happening to me when I was a student!!

A male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose, still heavily sedated from a difficult four hour, surgical procedure A young student nurse appears to give him a partial sponge bath.
Nurse', he mumbles, from behind the mask 'Are my testicles black?'
Embarrassed, the young nurse replies 'I don't know, Sir. I'm only here to wash your upper body and feet.'He struggles to ask again, 'Nurse, are my testicles black?'
Concerned that he may elevate his vitals from worry about his testicles, she overcomes her embarrassment and sheepishly pulls back the covers.
She raises his gown, holds his penis in one hand and his testicles in the other, lifting and moving them around.
Then, she takes a close look and says, 'There's nothing wrong with them, Sir !!'
The man pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her and says very slowly,'Thank you very much. That was wonderful, but listen very, very closely......'A r e - m y - t e s t - r e s u l t s - b a c k? '

Waiting, waiting, waiting.

LHT finally heard back from Rio Tinto today about the medical, but that does not mean that he is any further advanced. They had called him twice to let him know that his results were not back and today they called to say they were back but he now has to go up again for another medical with their own doctor. We are pretty positive about the whole thing because he is a pretty fit bastard despite the few extra kilos he has plus he is talented and advanced. I can say that here because like I said he doesn't ever read my blog and he will never know that I am being nice to him. I don't find it pays to be nice too often because he will come to expect it and no one can be THAT nice. Meanwhile he has been doing a few days work for another company in town. I made some cornflake and sultana biscuits yesterday for morning tea today and he took some in for the boys at work. I am making sure that they miss my cooking when he is gone.

IF he does get the job we, ha, I say we, but really I mean me, are going to have the kitchen remodelled. I hate that we have one tiny bit of bench space and that is taken up by the kettle, the toaster and the all important coffee machine. I would love some more benches and a light in my pantry so I can see the out of date goodies hiding in the corners. I am thinking about taking some space from our giant laundry and putting it to good use in the kitchen. Why the people who added it felt the need to have a giant laundry I will never know, but I think I could put it to better use. I would also like a skylight put in. Daddy Saturday says to me, "You know you can put them in yourself?" Now this is a man known for his clumsiness and awkwardness so he really can't be trusted to go up on the roof for me to pretend that I did it myself. I mean let's face it, LHT would NEVER fall for that. If I wait for LHT to do it I will wait till the middle of next decade so I informed him I would happily pay someone LHT's hard earned cash to brighten up my kitchen. It in fact would be my pleasure to spend the cash and crack the whip to get him back to the salt mines to earn some more.

The Excess Sugar Mumma was having a problem with a cyst on her back the other day which led me to thinking about how much I love pus. I googled it and I was beside myself with pleasure when I found that there are 40 videos on youtube of people popping their pimples, cysts and boils. I watched all of them which only made me want some more. Dazza said I am so disgusting but I know there are others among us that also have a love for all things pus. You really should pop off to youtube and have a looky. Especially you TenB, you KNOW you want to. I did suggest to LHT tonight that we squeeze the one on his arm and film it as we did and pop it up too, but he said no. He never wants to play the games I want to play, bastard.

Last week I made myself a house cleaning schedule so I can keep on top of the housework. I am sick of living in a pigsty! I have also been madly spring cleaning and decluttering. LHT can't believe all the stuff I am throwing out and I think he is tempted to move again just to see how much easier it is this time now we have so much less stuff. I just feel I can let go of it all now. The house is looking great, I only have the dining room to go and it is all organised, unpacked and tidy. Even my sills and skirting boards are done. Grandma says it's because I'm nesting and that I will be wanting to go to bed early a lot. Well she might be right! We are definately trying for another baby but as for the cleaning frenzy, which has caused LHT to call me "The Mad Crazy Cleaning Lady" I am not sure where that comes from. Maybe it is just my time. I told him we could get rid of the giant box of costumes from the shed and he is excited. It is a pretty giant box, almost as big as our whole laundry. It has caused my hands to break out again though, which really sucks and is partly the reason for the lack of blogging lately, it is hard to type with my hands the way they have been. Ah sooky sooky la la, I know.

LHT's Grandfather died on monday night. He was in his eighties and had had cancer for the last twenty years but I think everyone expected him to live forever. LHT was pretty devastated as you can imagine. I was a bit unsure what to do for him since he is not so good with the talking and feelings and stuff so I made him a trifle. I think it was the best gesture and it was definately appreciated, especially since he gets the whole thing because I think trifle tastes like crap. Soggy cake, what did I do wrong that I would have to eat that? The pixie and I did a painting for Grandma to cheer her up and we also made her a card with stickers. Consequently the Pixie was covered in stickers all over her face, legs, arms and she had the outside sticky bits stuck all over her hands. She had a great time, they tasted good too she said.