Accepting Reality

So my friend Julia Gulia comes over today and gives me some of her 'fat' clothes. She has recently lost about 40 kilos. She shows me these swimming shorts and then proceeds to climb into one leg of them to show me how much smaller she is. Reassuringly she says, "Don't worry, they won't fit you, they're giant." Of course you know what's coming, I'm sitting here wearing them now.

Now if you know me you know I'm not short on self esteem, but that I must say took a little bit. But it also makes me think, "If you don't like it, do something about it." Whilst I know all this I still seem to be unable to control myself. It's all this choccolate in the house. Will Power is a man who I just haven't met yet, although I have seen glimpses of him from time to time.

I don't know if this counts as exercise but I have made an effort today. I have combined playing with my daughter, her love of Hi-5 with trying to lose weight. I never noticed till today but most of the songs on the cd she loves are action songs, eg "Jump forward, jump back, touch your nose, jump forward, jump back, touch your toes, jump forward, jump back, turn around, jump forward, jump back, touch the ground. So I acted out all the songs on the cd for her, I think I got a pretty good workout and I scored major Mummy is fun points. Plus I want the pixie to think that exercise is a normal and fun part of life, I struggle with this concept.

It is funny different peoples reactions when you tell them you are trying to lose weight. You've got some people who agree and support you, the people who try to give you advice (which you don't really want to hear), the people who say, "me too" even thought they weigh about 2 and a half kilos at most and the people who say, "Oh why? You're not fat." What the? Are your eyes painted on? Yes I am, you know I am, what are you thinking when you say that? I am classified as clinically obese so I think it's maybe a little bit obvious.

Anyway it sucks, I hate having to try to lose weight. I hate diets, I hate it all. But I know that's a crappy attitude and it has to change. Ok my daughter is telling me off for not paying attention to her so I will finish this later.