I am bogan

Pretty aren't I? This is a picture KittyKat took for me to give to my girlfriend HHML for her birthday, she's going to love it yeah. I think the two men who drove past as I was in the front yard getting the pics taken liked it.

Like mother Like daughter

The other day I packed some apple pieces into the Pixie's lunch box and sent her off to creche at they gym. When I picked her up the carers told me they had stopped her from eating the apple as she had choked on the first piece. I said no worries and explained that the trait came from me as I have always had a tendency to choke on stuff. LHT kills himself laughing at me as I can choke on water. Anyway we get into the car to go and I am feeling a little hungry. I look in Pixie's lunch box and see the apple there, think "I'll eat that," and pop a piece into my mouth. A few seconds later, I realise that I too am choking on the apple... I managed to get it down but it was a scary few seconds. I don't think I've ever seen the girls at the creche laugh so much as when I told them that!!

I am 14 weeks 6 days pregnant today. At the scan I had the other day I could see the baby's heart beating and its little arms and legs moving around. Very cute. The girl said the genitals were usually up for a boy and down for a girl but I can't examine the pictures on the disc because my cd drive has decided not to work anymore. I have not put on any weight yet but my stomach is visibly bigger. I examine it every day in the big full length mirror at the gym. I am also maintaining my pelvic floor exercises in the hope that it will make the birth easier. TPOD has me doing these things called swiss ball thigh squeezes which just means you squeeze a swiss ball between your thighs... Every time I do them I am hoping that this is not preparation for the birth because I swear to God this kid's head could be as big as that swiss ball!!!

We had friends over for dinner the other night and LHT lit the fire. I decided to go into the shed to the filing cabinet and drag out some paperwork that we didn't need anymore to stoke the fire. FM and I were doing well for awhile till all of a sudden the fire went out never to return. LHT says I am the only person he has seen put a fire OUT with paper. I maintain he just lit a crappy one to begin with.

Up the Mississipee...

If you miss a loop, you're out. The Princess of Darkness has discovered I have a bit of a talent for skipping. When I say talent, I mean, she enjoys giggling at me whilst I jump rope and my fat wobbles all over the place for her amusement. I have been trying to get to 50 in a row, which I finally achieved last thursday, I was pretty happy with it and decided it was even worth the little bit of pee that came out! Oh yes, ha ha ha, make the girl with a weak bladder jump. I told her to just wait until she has babies!!! Mind you she is such a fit bitch she will probably not have bladder issues at all! In a perfect world there would be tena pads available for all fat mums jumping rope at the gym. Hell in a perfect world coffee and chocolate would instantly melt fat from your thighs and bum and add perkiness to your boobies and handsomeness to your ugly husband. The Little Cutie Boy who is this young fellow who works down the gym cut the top of his thumb off when he was cleaning a spin cycle bike. They could not reattach it. SS and I are waiting oh so patiently for him to come back so we can give him a one and a half thumbs up on his performance. Poor bastard, nothing but pain comes of being fit you know!! He is the one who wrote SS's program which I say is pathetic and she says I am trying to kill myself. I have been getting her to spot me on the chinup machine which is SUCH a workout for her since I could barley lift myself today having flogged my arms on the pec fly and pushups. We bought some gloves for weights the other day, running around like Michael Jackson since we got them doing heaps of crotch grabbing and very pathetic moon walking. I am going to pull out the bedazzler and pop some pretty stuff on them. The guy who sold them to us had a distinct, "I can't wait to get you two crazy women out of my store" look on his face. That could have been due to the glove pulling out and trying on frenzy or the two girls running around climbing on his machines and knocking over all his yoga mats. You can always tell people who have no children!! I remember being one of them!

Everybody Laugh at the Fat Chick

Everybody laugh at the fat chick because she is busy laughing at herself! Arrived at the gym the other day and was told by a fellow gym goer that he can hear Soul Sister and I laughing all over the gym. So my loud booming laugh and noisy self have been noticed, lol, as I suspected. I think my groans are also heard down there too, the Princess of Darkness has me working out on the chinup machine, I have to lift 45kg of my body weight to get myself up there. The harder it is the further my tongue goes out! Soul Sister is fabulous and 'spots' me, which really means pushes my ass up when I am too weak to do it. Lucky for me she's a bit sick and likes touching my bum! LHT has been going down there too but no one has noticed him sans samurai mullet. Honestly I have been trying to get him to grow it back but he seems certain he doesn't want to. He has no sense of adventure now he's an old man!! (37) I have not seen the victim of my crime from the other day, the man I dropped the ball on, he's probably headed over to the other gym where's there's less risk of a loud fat chick scaring the shit out of him. There are two other girls that SS and I have met down there, the Step-sisters. They are fellow pervers on the hotties that sometimes grace us with their presence. We bought some Michael Jackson fingerless gloves the other day for weight work. I am going to put glitter on mine just because I can, tried to convince SS but she says it's not for her, yeah sure, wait till she sees mine. I might go and get some iron on transfers, lol. Can't help myself, a blank space MUST be decorated.

The Pixie looks like a child abuse victim at the moment, she fell down the front steps the other day and she has a big scab on her nose and just under. LHT took her out the other day in a dirty shirt and him in a singlet and he said the checkout chick looked at her like she felt that calling DOCS in would be appropriate. She is becoming oh so independent that she wouldn't let me hold her hand coming down, she learned her lesson though because she has ever since. LHT's grandparents stayed last night and she showed off so much for them that she skinned her knee as well, didn't cry though, too busy playing up to Old Grandma and Old Granddad.

LHT bought two new motorbikes, one for dirt and one for the road. I was bitching and complaining about the obvious unfairness of it all until he presented me with a diet sars today that had a Pandora hanging around it. Very nice, two little charms, a butterfly and an aquamarine one. He tells me I have a birthday present coming too so that will be nice. I can hardly believe I am 31 on Saturday. Hopefully by the time I am 32 I will look better than at 22. We'll see won't we.

Off to take the Pixie to the beach since we are having such nice weather and she loves it so much. Took her the other day and she decided to run away from me and jump in the water at which point she was in over her head. Luckily SS got to her JUST before I did and she wasn't choking cos she was holding her breath (I love swimming lessons) but my heart was still beating about 4000bpm for awhile. I think I might put the baby leash on her in future till she accepts that I am her mother and no amount of running away to join other families or the circus will not change that.

OOPS!!

Apparently the gym has more hazards than it appears - not just for me but for others. My gym keeps the swiss balls up on the wall behind a bar. I got my favourite green one down today, and in doing so, a red one fell down... onto an older guy doing ab crunches listening to his I-Pod with his eyes shut - right onto his, ahem, personal region. You can just imagine the look on not only his face or my face but also Soul Sister's!!! She was absolutely pissing herself laughing as she came over to see if he was okay and help me put the ball back up without injuring him further. When I put it back, he sat up and waited for me till I was gone. I am probably on his 'people to shoot' list now.
Fabulous news today - fit into a pair of shorts I bought over twelve months ago. Finally fit into them!! Woohoo! Had a delicious lemon crush boost juice to celebrate. I would love to write more but I must must must go to sleep.
PS Tomato Samboys are back!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Why you should listen to your mother.

The toilet training is proving to be tiring... but most amusing. Today the Pixie peed on the floor, not once, not twice but THREE times. Each time I had just walked away from her and she went to town, at least the floor got mopped I guess. We made a cake together today, she poured in the mix, added the milk and then I added the egg. We stirred it up together and then put it in the microwave to cook. Five minutes and 30 seconds later and voila, there was our cake. We had to leave it for five minutes before inverting it. In the meantime the Pixie did a poo. (By this time I had had enough of pee on the floor and mopping so she had a nappy on.) I thought I would just pop her onto the loo to finish it off. Sat her down on the little pink toilet seat and then reached between her legs, put her fingers in the poo left on her bottom and before I could stop her and as I was telling her not to... lifted the finger to her mouth and tasted it. I could barely believe what I had seen - I mean I have seen it in dementia patients but the look on her face was absolutely priceless. She started crying straight away and was really not happy about the deed. Straight off to the shower I took her to wash off the residual pee, cakemix, dirt, grime and poo. She was never so keen to let me brush her teeth, poor little girl. God it was so funny.

After I got home from the gym this morning I left her with LHT while I went and had a shower. I got out and here she is coming up the hallway towards me carrying my VERY expensive camera by the LENS CAP!! I called out to LHT that she had the camera and as I walked towards her, wet remember as I had JUST got out of the shower and slipped over in the water I was dripping on the floor and hurt my ankle. Then LHT told me I wouldn't have slipped over if I kept the camera in the case like I am supposed to. Well you can imagine how that went down I am sure, so after a few choice words and a fairly hard thump to his arm he admitted he was quite insensitive - closest thing I get to an apology, lol.

The other day after we had taken the dog for a walk, Macy was back out in the yard and was barking and the Pixie looks in her direction and says, "Stupid dog." My neighbour, My Banrcock Bestie (MBB) and i burst out laughing and she said she had heard me say that to Macy all the time! Which I do because she is SO annoying. Usually the Pixie will give MBB rocks from our garden when she is over but this day she was giving them to MBB's dog Bella. (picture) Bella wasn't really that impressed with the rocks but she did seem to like the pats. The Pixie also asked MBB for the dog lead and held onto it for awhile like she was the king pin. She is being so cute and adorable these days. I am looking forward to showing her off to my family next week.

Not the Biggest Loser

I had my weigh in today - after eight weeks at the gym I have lost.... badada, drumroll please, 100g. Yes you are reading that right 100 measly little grams. Time to get my diet right. I have however lost 2% body fat which still makes me more fat than person but I'm getting there!! I have also lost a cm or more from all the areas that were measured so it is working... maybe it was the scales that were not! After that I worked REALLY hard at my PT session. Last week I wowed myself by jumping rope twenty times in a row, this week I doubled it to 41 before I tripped. I still did the other nine and the second time I only got to 35 before my legs fell off and they had to call a paramedic and have them reattached. Well at least that's what would have happened in the little aside bit I would do if I was a tv show. My arms are definitely smaller, my big giant tuckshop lady arms, my bingo bats, my fedoobadas, the best bit to shake it with, they are disappearing before my eyes! I am really going to try to kick ass over the next 8 weeks, and actually lose some weight. I have been walking in the afternoons as well with the Pixie in a pack on my back and the dog pulling me along, I haven't had a mars bar in weeks! (But the ferrero's from LHT's auntie were pretty dam good, and the wine I've been enjoying with my neighbour - who is btw a very bad influence!!) Right I'm off to make yoghurt.

Toilet Training

I am trying to toilet train and the little bugger keeps peeing as soon as I turn my head away. She holds on for like 2 and a half hours but when I look away, she pees. Yesterday I waited, I put her on the toilet, coerced her onto the potty and after several hours, at ten to five, I went to get a nappy to put on her so we could go for our walk and in the time it took me to walk to her room, get the nappy and walk back to mine, the cow had climbed up onto my bed and peed. Luckily for her I had just taken the sheets off it and left the protective cover on the mattress - which by the way is now soaking in nappysan. Today she peed right next to the bath as I turned on the taps after stealing the potty away out of the bathroom that I had just put back in there! ARGH!! I can't wait for this to be done! I am going to my sister's next week and she has tiles so at least it will be easy to clean! If you ask the Pixie if she loves Mummy she answers "No." But she will tell you she loves Daddy, poor Mum.

I have been at the gym for 8 weeks tomorrow so I will know if I have lost any weight and how much my measurements have changed. I am excited and nervous. I think it will motivate me to eat a bit better. I am really going to miss it next week when I am away, my trainer is going to do up a little something for me to make sure I work hard when I am away. Okay I will report back tomorrow to tell you how I do.

Went down the gym this morning, left the Pixie at home with Daddy and went down to kick my own butt. I'm starting to know quite a few people there now. I love people watching when I am there. It's really great, plus the gym is quite likely to be playing Miley Cyrus or Shannon Noel and for me personally, well, it's not my favourite. I tried to take an MP3 player in but it wouldn't pick up JJJ, only the local radio station which plays, yep, you guessed it, Miley Cyrus and Shannon Noel. Occasionally they will put on this early 90's double dvd set which includes such classics as Cherry Pie by Warrant and I Think We're Alone Now by Tiffany. Of course I'm always delighted to be greeted by these old friends. I did ask if they would pop it on for me today but Bevchick said she had been there for almost 12 hours yesterday and heard it numerous times and that she wouldn't put it on but she would shove it up my arse if I liked. Since the Princess of Darkness wasn't around to help me out I decided I would put up with what they had on. It wasn't long after that I was rewarded, a young man came in wearing leopard print shorts - very hot. It really made my day, just like the first time I saw the man who looks like Colonel Sanders of KFC fame. Yep, there he was right there on the kayak machine. Ah yes it's the gym for people like me. I like to wear my old Kevin Nash wrestling shirt down there just to fit in. I also managed to find quite a beauty in Best and Less the other day, a dodgy purple shirt that says "Margate Sands Finest". Oh they joy I had when I found that shirt, since I lived in Margate for 13 years. I just have to get my Michael Jackson style fingerless gloves for when I do weights now and I should be looking a real treat.

Speaking of Best and Less, I was downtown today trying to find some other crafty stuff when as I walked past I spotted some lovely blue DT's in the window that have "Bad Boy" written on the butt. They were 3 bucks, I had to get LHT a pair. They will go quite nicely with the mankini supplied by SWHF recently. (Yes another good day) LHT has gone back today to start work tomorrow and has been struck down with the dreaded vomit everything you put in your belly back up virus. If only he had been sick before he left I could have given him those little budgie smugglers and I bet he woulda felt a whole lot better!

Okay, okay, I'm sorry

I'm sorry it has been so long. Life has been crazy for us lately since LHT has been working for Rio Tinto. Since he is away for five nights and home for three it has been difficult to get into a routine. I think we are finally getting there. I decided on December 10 I had to do something about my weight. So I joined the local YMCA and have been going M-F ever since. I have not weighed myself yet to know if I have lost any weight but I think it will show more in measurements for the first time rather than in kilos. I have a few more weeks until my first weigh in and measure. I signed up for personal training once a week which I have a love hate relationship with. Not my trainer though, the Princess of Darkness is fabulous!! I love her to bits and I love that she will push me to my limit. I have not as yet vomited but I certainly have felt like it!! I am quite proud of how I am going, I can see my fitness improving as the days go by. I was so excited when I finally managed to do 1000m in five minutes on the rower, especially as it was the same day I finally managed to do 1km on the cross trainer! I knew it would be a good day for my friends who were getting married. Yesterday I did 5.3km in 5 minutes on the kayak, I felt like superwoman.

It was the Lusty Librarian and the Snakeman got married. It was a lovely little ceremony on the beach with just 7 people, including the celebrant. Afterwards we went out to a New Orleans style restaurant which has made me crave creole ever since. (I am making jumbalaya tomorrow night - mmmm.)

The pixie is going along nicely, being very advanced and all. She is saying lots of new stuff including cheese, fish, here she is, cool and oh wow. It is very very cute to see her. Her auntie gave her a set of 5 boardbooks for christmas and she loves them to death and she always says, "cool", which she pronounces tulle, when she is looking at them. She is of course being extra cheesy these days, not very keen on posing for photos these days, it's way more fun to run away from Mummy. Speaking of running, TenB said to me one day, "you know one day they walk and the next they run." So true my friend so true, she runs all over the place and I really have to try to keep up. She is definitely a bit part of my motivation when I get tired when I am working out, I try to remember that if I don't do it, she'll get away from me. How about that Mum who left her baby unattended in the car today and the car got stolen! How sick would you feel coming out of the store and realising that your precious baby was gone. I can only imagine the anguish she felt during the time her baby was gone. I bought a wrist restaint for the Pixie the other day, she doesn't mind it if I put my bit on first. She thinks it's okay cos I have one on my wrist too. You know people say it's like having a dog on a leash, I agree, but in this case, I am the dog. She drags me around on the dam thing and then I just end up carrying her anyway. I think I'll just use the pram forever! She was sick on monday so I gave her an iceblock to keep up her fluids - you would have thought I had given her gold and jewels the happiness she displayed. If only she was always going to be that easy to please.

Not so yummy.

Last night FM and G-Dog came over for dinner, which was delicious by the way, we had spicy chorizo and pumpkin couscous. Very good. Since FM is about to have a milestone birthday we were looking at cupcakes online and becoming inspired decided to have a go at making some marzipan flowers since I had some left over from the Pixie's birthday. It is not as easy as you might think to make flowers from marzipan but we did end up with a quite impressive bowl of fruit and veg. We were making icing to help stick the bits together and I was complaning that the icing sugar was taking a lot of water and hard to stir and FM agreed whole heartedly until she looked over and saw I had a fairly smooth paste and she had lumps. It was as I told her to add some more lemon juice that I saw what the bag in front of me said... corn flour. MMM I had dusted the tupperware mat with it too thinking it was icing sugar and the marzipan was covered in it. We were laughing so hard. FM went outside to tell the boys who were sitting holding hands (okay not really) by the fire but I said later she shouldn't have because we could have tricked them into eating it.

My baby is sick today, she has had a temperature and has been vomiting. LHT took her out to the park this morning where she vomited all over herself in the back of the car but would not relinquish her regular saturday morning pizza that her father buys her from the bakery. Despite the fact that she was covered in vomit she still insisted that he take her for a walk to look at the ducks before vomiting into his hand. Lucky daddy. I am so glad that wasn't me, I am not terribly good with vomit. Yes I know being a nurse you'd think I'd be okay by now but I'm not. LHT loves to tease me about how watching Fat Bastard drink a stool sample in Austin Powers made me throw up once.

Her being sick all day and wanting to either sleep or lay in my arms has given me a chance to watch the Dr Who dvd's I got out. I am totally in love with the current Doctor - David Tennant. I am dropping lots of hints about him buying me the whole series for christmas (67 days away). He is on night duty on christmas day so the Pixie and I will have to play with the Barbie Quad bike by ourselves! I will also have to eat all the ham. (That is almost his worst nightmare, it would only be worse if I ate all the prawns as well so luckily for him I don't eat seafood.)

Ah the Serenity

LHT is up away at his new job which is totally kickass and even if it's not the benefits are. He has put his name down to do an emergency services training course so he will learn to abseil and do rescues and advanced CPR and stuff. They have medical cover benefits for our whole family and we can use a counsellling service anytime we like. LHT told me even the Pixie can use the counsellor but I am really hoping she doesn't need one just yet. They will pay for him to go to uni and do a degree if he wants to and assist him to advance in any way they can. He is stoked and so am I. They will pay for us to move if we want to and they have all kinds of social clubs not just for the workers but for the Mums and kids too. I am pretty excited and it would be a fabulous adventure but I don't want to leave at the same time. I have heaps of great friends now and I would hate to leave them but leaving also means making even more great friends. Ah imagine the space you'll have to hold my funeral in. (Weird how the word funeral has fun in it isn't it.) He does get paid monthly though so we are really going to have to learn how to budget!!
LHT and I had to break open the KTM tin so we could survive the next couple of weeks. He had saved $337.35 cents in total which is great because the change is coming in very handy.

HHML and I have been saying, "Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeh, yeh, yeh, ye, ye," to each other a lot over the last couple of weeks being the bogans that we are. Well now the Pixie is also going around the house, phone to her ear saying, "Yeah, yes, yeah." Like mother, like daughter eh! Poor LHT - no wonder he wants to work away. HHML's son told his grandmother that he was enjoying the peace and quiet the other day when he spent the day with her because when he is at my house HHML and I are so loud he needs panadol. How hilarious is that? Poor boy has been overshadowed by not just one but two loud women and two squealing little girls!

Congratulations

Congratulations to Friendless and Vegie Pi on their engagement. Friendless proposed to VP on her birthday on sunday. They had recently been on holiday to Cairns and had visited Kuranda and been to the opal shop there. She tried on the ring and really liked it. When they got home he called the shop and asked if they remembered them coming in and luckily for him they did. He had the ring sent down to him in time to ask her for her birthday. They celebrated with a bottle of NiQuil and some cold and flu tablets since they are both really sick at the moment. Luckily for him he was not a tight ass when he bought the ring, and opal is VP's birthstone so he has really outdone himself. I love weddings! I can't wait.

My Gorgeous sister

I just told LHT I want to burn the image of my 40 year old gorgeous lovely sister on my eyelids so it motivates me to lose weight so I don't look 10 years older than her rather than 10 years younger. She is stunning isn't she?

HALLELUJAH

Thank God!! He's in!! He's really truly in at Rio Tinto - no more waiting around for them to call him and no more waiting for my husband to have a job! It's really great, great money and heaps of benefits, including removalists if we decided to move and some sort of medical benefits fund. Hooray! We have waited 10 weeks for this call and to finally get it is a HUGE relief and now our lives can get back to a new kind of normal. It will be weird for LHT to be away for four days at a time but I am sure I can live with no water on the bathroom floor, no wet towels on the bed and no dirty motorbike gear around the house for at least half my life (minus 200 hours holidays). The pixie and I will get into a routine and then Daddy will come home and mess it up! I have been blogging this since five this afternoon and since it is now half past nine and three glasses of champagne later I really have to go and lie down.

The Samurai Mullet Fan Club

This photo has provided me with endless hours of entertainment. Every time I look at it I laugh, I mean really who, who has this hair? HHML and I googled mullets today and we could not find another with the fully shaved head. I would love to have a pic of it when it was all plaited. Everyone who has come into the house, and I mean EVERYONE, has been blessed with a showing of the Samurai Mullet. My sister says it makes her feel sick to look at his hair, which just cracks me up every time I think about it. Last week I had an Enjo demo, and LHT was coming home for lunch at the same time, HHML and I had the pic sitting on the table ready for him when he came home. He always knows to expect something when he comes home and sees the burgundy magna in the drive way. HHML and I spur each other on. The Enjo demo did not meet expectations, but she did touch the pic and I called her on it, she went a bit red, I don't think she meets many people like me. HHML wanted to draw a dick on the bucket and tell the woman not to worry that Enjo would of course get it off. Childish I know, but funny all the same. The other day HHML and I were sitting in the kitchen having coffee and we were looking at the pic as usual giggling and thinking of things to get up to. I had been through my costume box and thrown out all the crap in there, I did however manage to keep 5 cloaks and a wizard's costume. There is sometimes value in being a hoarder because whilst you might not think so, 5 cloaks and a wizard costume can come in handy when you have a photo like that in the house. We decided to have a "Samurai Fan Club Meeting" and got dressed up, me in a cloak and HHML in the wizard costume. Her son kept asking her, "Mummy why are you dressed up like that?" To which she would reply, "Mummy is not dressed up, she is in her work uniform." After declaring it Samurai Fan Club Recruitment Day (yes, I know so childish but the photo has taken over my mind!) the Excess Sugar Mumma happened to call, she was going to pop in. "Excellent, see I told you it was recruitment day!" said HHML or the messenger of the prophecy as she is known. I am the Samurai Messenger and LHT is the Chosen One. When she came over she popped on a superman costume which HHML drew a samurai mullet on the back of and wrote Samurai with one of those old s's you thought were cool in high school. Our friend we met when we bought our house, Humdinger, had also planned to come for lunch. He popped on a red and black Dracula cloak when he got here and the fan club was ready to greet the Chosen One. It was so funny to see LHT's face when he pulled up on his DR and the four of us were standing out the front wearing the costumes and the photo was on the kitchen table with a candle burning in front of it. ESM is 18 and I am sure she thought we were the most immature people in the world, but by God it was funny. Humdinger turned to me and then to LHT and said, "You are so mean! I mean she's good to you mate, but she is so mean!" I can only defend myself by saying, look up, look at the photo and then you tell me. He deserves a fan club, he deserves to never forget the had that hair. We made a group for him and everything - he is so lucky. (Note my pj pants - part of my uniform, very sexy.)

Yesterday when he came home for lunch, HHML said to me, "Let's just do nothing, just say nothing about it..." So we did, and about 15 minutes into lunch LHT said to me, "What are you up to?" See, he is suspicious just because we do nothing now, he is walking on egg shells, his nerves are frayed. He was complaining to me that we had no milk after he had only bought some, blah, blah, blah. I had important coffee to drink. I said we had plenty of milk and pointed to my breast. He said, "Is it chocolate?" I opened the cupboard and grabbed the shaker I use for choc on top of caps and tipped some on my boob and said, "It is now!"

Another Call

Rio Tinto called LHT today to tell him that once his last pee test is done things should move quickly from there. Hooray! They still haven't told him for sure if he has the job but we don't think they woud keep ringing to apologise for the delays if he wasn't going to work there.

When we were first together LHT had an old drum kit. He loves to drum, he is always drumming on the furniture and driving me insane with it all. I always used to complain about it, tongue in cheek style. "We've got no room for this thing, where can we put it?" As I do. One day I came home and noticed it wasn't in its usual spot in the lounge, when I asked where it was he said he had sold it for $150. We banked the money to help us move up to Darwin. He knows know that I was just giving him some shit and that of course he was more than welcome to keep it, and even though I would never admit it to him I have always felt just that little bit bad about it. I have decided to buy him a drum kit for christmas and do up a room in the shed for him as a bit of a boy's retreat. I will have to get it sound proofed and paint it up and pop up pics of The Tugmaster, G-Dog, The Snake Man and any other of his boyfriends who take my fancy. I am going to buy him a bookshelf for all his stupid bike magazines etc. I think he will really like it. Any ideas are most welcome. The Lusty Librarian has an OHP machine so I could paint some motorbikes on the walls if I want to. I will talk to G-Dog who I think will be more than happy to help me along with Daddy Saturday to make it something really cool. I am definitely in the running for wife of the year!!

Poppies, lovely poppies...

The Pixie has survived her first early morning Dad car trip! With flying colours, I like to think because I am protecting us from the harm LHT could do. LHT dropped us off at the shopping centre and went off to do his functionality test - hold a squat for 3 minutes, steps for 3 minutes, hold hands above head for 3 minutes, touch your toes for 3 minutes etc. He passed them all. The woman also did a strength test - he scored 82, she looked at him causing him to ask, "Is that bad?" The woman said, "No, most strong men score about 50." I love it when I am right, I am always telling him he is a freak of nature. We dropped him off at Rio Tinto and the Pixie and I went to the beach for a paddle. She just loved it and had a ball. She was playing with another little girl that was there with her Mummy and they were having a lovely time playing in the sand and waves. Because she is little miss independent now she would not let me hold her up and kept toppling forward and getting hit in the face by waves. Did this make her let me help her? No, she is stubborn like her father (and her mother I know), but it did help the snot clogging her nose pour down her face till she looked like no one owned her. In the midst of all of this LHT calls to say he has to do another drug test next week because he had tested positive for opiates. LHT looked at the company Dr in a panic, "What the hell?" "Nurofen," the Dr replied and LHT breathed a sigh of relief. When he told me I laughed and asked my drug husband how many crack pipes he had been around lately anyway. So... No, we still do not know but we do think that after this last test on monday he should be right to start. Bring it on - there are lots of lovely little girls clothes up there that would look awesome on my Pixie girl. I told LHT if he had found out today we would have had to buy a second car before going home to fit all the stuff in I wanted to buy her!

The Early Morning Trips

What is it with Dads and early morning car trips? When I was a kid we would always have to get up at the crack of dawn to go on these trips where I would be the fat kid squashed between two big kids in the car, not allowed to put the windows down or stop at service stations to go to the toilet. As an extra treat to being hot, uncomfortable and busting Dad would play his country music at 15 million decibels and sing. Mum was an expert at pouring orange juice from a carton into metal cups that lived in the glove box for such occasions and handing out drinks to everyone before pulling a ham sandwich from the esky to feed us. This I think was just to make sure we got cramped legs and dvt's later in life. If by chance we happened to be in or near Ipswich where shamefully I was born Dad would take us on a tour... a long boring tour that we wished would end but weren't certain it ever would. Past our old house, past the big kids old schoools, past the meatworks, etc. A few years ago my brother tortured me in this same manner, AFTER he became a dad and the gene kicked in. Thankfully he will stop to let you go to the toilet, always has the A/C on quite cold and I don't mind his taste in music or his singing so I was not too traumatised. My Dad was also one of those dads that you would ask nicely not to drop you off at the front of the school (so no one could see how utterly embarrassing he was) and he would drop you off not only out the front but drive into the carpark right outside the office. PFM and I relied on her Mum for a lift when we were seniors, she would pick us up at the back down the road. Funny now how important that seemed then. The Pixie gets to experience her first painful early morning car trip planned by Dad tomorrow. He has his last medical with Rio Tinto tomorrow and we have to leave at 5.30am! EW!! Why oh why oh why did I say we would go??? I am obviously crazy and have no regard for my sleep or my comfort. I am going to stress to the Pixie that it is definately Daddy's fault we are out of bed and cold instead of tucked up together watching early morning cartoons.

This afternoon I was in the bathroom brushing my teeth and LHT yelled out "Watch the bub," and took off out the door. I came rushing out to see a fire on the field across from us with a teenager from the school across the road trying to put it out. There was a woman there in her car calling 000. LHT took some buckets of water over as did the lady who lives 2 doors down. I was livid! I yelled at them, "Why the hell are you lighting fires, we have kids around here!" It pissed me off so much I rang the school and was assured that someone else had also reported the incident and teachers were on their way. Well the teen who had lit it had taken off to the middle of the oval leaving his friend to put it out, coward, and then he came back over to the scene of his crime. It wasn't like the teachers didn't have the time to come over there but they didn't bother. I am so angry. They had walked up the road when the firies showed up and we pointed them out and they went and spoke to them. My neighbour came home in the midst of the drama and she said someone had lit a fire a few metres from that one on Saturday night after an event had been on at the school. In the time we have lived here this is the third time the firies have been called and I have the police on speed dial too!! LHT says I should let it go but it is arson and if it had not been able to be controlled I dread to think what could have happened.

Made some things called pinwheels today. vegemite and cheese spread on puff pastry and then rolled up, cut into slices and baked. LHT fed three of them to the pixie before her dinner but that didn't stop her from eating a whole heap of peas which she loves, a kanga banga (and a taste of mash, she realised it was mashed, which is for babies, and flung it across the floor). She weighed in at 9.4kg at her 12 month needles but if they had weighed her tonight I think she would have tipped 10 - she leads with her belly! She has been cracking me up lately, today she was walking through the kitchen with a bum bag around her neck, her mobile phone to her ear, yacking away and she ran into the kitchen cupboard, fell over and laughed. HHML said, "She is such a ditzy blonde!" Ah well I am sure we can find her work in a sheltered workshop somewhere.

Black Testicles

I wanted to share this joke with you. I can imagine this happening to me when I was a student!!

A male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose, still heavily sedated from a difficult four hour, surgical procedure A young student nurse appears to give him a partial sponge bath.
Nurse', he mumbles, from behind the mask 'Are my testicles black?'
Embarrassed, the young nurse replies 'I don't know, Sir. I'm only here to wash your upper body and feet.'He struggles to ask again, 'Nurse, are my testicles black?'
Concerned that he may elevate his vitals from worry about his testicles, she overcomes her embarrassment and sheepishly pulls back the covers.
She raises his gown, holds his penis in one hand and his testicles in the other, lifting and moving them around.
Then, she takes a close look and says, 'There's nothing wrong with them, Sir !!'
The man pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her and says very slowly,'Thank you very much. That was wonderful, but listen very, very closely......'A r e - m y - t e s t - r e s u l t s - b a c k? '